First draft of a rewrite of a uni project from last year. Critique centred around not being able to engage with my main character well enough; here I’ve tried a new tactic – writing the story not from my main character’s point of view, but instead focalising via a narrator/observer character – like Watson for Sherlock. Seeing how it goes!
It started with a race.
Dolphin Sized Goldfish
When I told her I kept having dreams about riding giant goldfish like they were dolphins, she laughed at me.
Dawn saw Lyra wake early in the darkness, slipping out of bed and hastily pulling on Sterlyn’s clothes, her boots and scarf, and racing to the stables. The vardo was ready to leave, but that didn’t stop her from checking it over several times, making sure the wheels were oiled, her belongings were stowed away where they couldn’t be thrown about, that the internal fixtures were secured down.
Lyra repeated herself. “I want to go to the stables and see Coco,” she said.
Lyra was twenty when it happened.
Dawn lights up the lowest clouds first, and as the peach glow rolled over the soft hills sheltering the lowermost dwellings, Wren crept out of her family’s home.
Once upon a time, there was a story.